May 3, 2009

May 3, 2009
Happy 2nd Birthday London! I cannot believe it has been 2 years. I actually had an okay day today. We just moved out of our home yesterday so I have been busy and distracted and haven’t thought about it too much. We went to your grave and let go of 2 balloons. We all wrote a note on them and released them into heaven. Maddy and Boston enjoyed it. My mom came by to see me and decorate the grave as well and my best friends from church all remembered. I was fine until tonight when our good friend Stacy texted me to make sure I was okay. After I chatted with her it hit me… your birthday had come and gone. No party, candles, or presents. No phone calls saying happy birthday came like my other kids get. No ackowledgement at all from the people in my life that remember my birthday or Maddy’s birthday. It was then that I broke down crying. I guess it just really hurt to realize that as the years go by Stenson and I may be the only ones that will ever remember. That is the sad part. All anyone will ever be able to do for your birthday is remember. It was disappointing to feel the lack of support from our families. It is hard to go through when you are alone in having these feelings. For example, this past year for my dad’s birthday everyone called my mom to make sure she was okay. Why? Because it was affecting them as well. It is a hard day. With you though, most people forgot. It just feels like to them your life never happened. There are no memories or laughs to remember. I wouldn’t mind if everyone forgot your death date because that was a sad day. Your birthday should be a celebration of your life even though it was short. So I guess all I can say is, Happy Birthday baby girl! I love you and I will never forget.