Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Who cares?

It has been interesting to watch human behavior at tragic times. I know that I have shown my true colors being in the middle of it. But watching others react to you when you are going through it is different. I have noticed that there are 3 categories that others fall into. 1- Being completely supportive. This includes phone calls, cards, letters, and listening. Most of all ASKING. Letting me talk.
2- Obviously uncomfortable and don't know what to say around me. So they avoid me. They shield me from their babies and they try to distract me and keep the topic light. These people never really help me but are still included in my social life so they deal.
3- Those who say things that hurt me. They push their babies on me because they think it will help. They say extremely insensitive comments...(Are we still talking about London. Haven't we done this a million times already?)

(You can help me with my baby Paige, because you don't have one and you are the only one who can because everyone else is pregnant)
(I didn't know you guys were trying to get pregnant? I just thought you guys were still too hung up on London and didn't want another one for a while?)
(How many kids do you have? (I say 3) But I thought one died? So you only have 2 right?) NO I HAVE 3 is what I want to scream.
Yes- People have actually said those things to me. What has been interesting is how people have slid in and out of the 3 types through the past year and a half. At first there were strong friends right by my side. I guess they have gotten sick of my whining because most of them are now those who don't ask anymore and just keep the topic light. 3 months ago I found out I wasn't ovulating and needed fertility drugs. I told myself I would talk about it to anyone who asked. Well I think people got sick of asking me when I was going to be pregnant again because in that time 2 people asked. I told another because I needed someone to talk to. My last post pretty much put it out there. Since then a few more people know. Right now I have family members and friends who have absolutely no idea how hard this has been and what I have been going through. I feel very alone. New people have stepped in and have really been there for me. Thank you to those who have let me vent. (You know who you are) Yes I still need to talk about stuff. I know I should be okay by now but it really is more about the longing for a baby than the issues of grief for London.

2 comments:

The Jesperson Family said...

Paige, let's go to lunch on Friday, either before or after the temple. We need some talk time too. Call me.

Stacy said...

I still can't believe that people would say stuff like that to you! How selfish are they?! I think you definately deserve to say that you have 3 kids and if you want to talk about London then you go right on ahead!

WE love you!