Fact of Life

It is amazing to see how much better I am doing now. This year especially has been so much easier for me. I had the chance to talk to a friend the other night about London and it was just matter of fact. It wasn't even difficult or emotional. Now it is just the way it is and that's ok. I didn't ever think I would get to this point. I used to look at people who would say,"it get's better", and think...."are you nuts.... this pain is never going to go away!" The pain doesn't ever go away, but it does lessen. I used to look at her pictures all the time just so I wouldn't forget. Now it is difficult to look at her because I enjoy feeling content about what happened and I don't want to be reminded of the pain. Overall.... I am doing well. My friend that I was talking to just had a sister-in-law lose her baby boy in a VERY similar way. It was the first case I had seen that was similar to London. As she described how the baby didn't cry, eat, or move because he too had a genetic disorder it was a little too close to home, but I actually felt good inside knowing there was someone else out there that maybe understood what that was like for me. My heart absolutely aches for her. Knowing what she must be going through right now, but it was still comforting to me thinking I had someone else out there that "get's it." Over these years I have talked a lot with parents who have lost children but it has been for different reasons. Either they lost a 5 year old, or the baby was stillborn, or they knew before they had the baby, or it was a premature baby. I have never met anyone who had their baby expecting a healthy one, then never hear the baby cry or get to feed it. Then taking them off the life support and watching your child die in your arms. All of the same emotions happened to this other family. So, if you ever read this.... I am here for you. I actually do understand, and I can tell you, it is going to be hard, but you can do it, and you don't have to do it alone. Here for you....