Another disappointment

Nov. 9, 2007
I went to the doctor today. I had an ultrasound to see my new little baby. Once again there was a black whole. "We are sorry Paige, but your baby died at 6 weeks again. (I was 12 weeks along) You are going through another miscarriage." Shock hits me. This can't be happening. It was my turn to be happy. What happened to that phrase "Joy Cometh in the Morning"? It was supposed to be my time for joy. The devastation is so deep. Too deep to bear. Now I had to go home and know that my body let down another baby. It would rid of the baby on its own and I just had to let it happen. What was wrong with me? Stenson and I didn't even get the chance to tell anyone. We didn't even get time to be excited and happy about it. We debated not even telling anyone, but I knew I would need my family through this. I would need their love and support. So once again I had to try to stand back up and press on. What is really hard is we are staying at Stenson's parents house right now because they are painting our house right now. I have to go through this painful miscarriage and emotional roller-coaster in front of my in-laws.
Plus Maddy is struggling right now too. One of the little boys in her class passed away a few days ago. Death is becoming an all too natural process for her. The school sent home a note explaining that this little boy was killed when a slide fell on him in the back yard due to construction. When I read this it was almost like it hit me again. Only the pain was for someone else, Those poor parents. I hurt so deeply for them because I KNOW how much it hurts! My heart aches for the agony they will experience. I wish I could tell them that time makes it all better but I still can't say that yet. When we went to the viewing I introduced myself to them and told them I sort of knew what they were feeling. They said, "It's like being a part of this club that nobody wants to join." Alothough they seemed to be holding up much better than I did. So to all those out there who are part of "the club"... My heart goes out to you and I pray you find peace.