Sunday, May 11, 2008

Sisters

I officially know now that when one of my sister-in-law's come up and say, "Paige, I need to talk to you" it means, "I am about to tell you I am pregnant." Every single one of Stenson's sisters are pregnant. At first these words stung like they pierced my heart. I woud cry in front of them or I would cry later once they were gone. Towards the last of them I just became numb. Now it is just a fact. They are having a baby. Everyone is... but you. I will already be surrounded by it so what's one more?!? There are 9 of my friends from church that are pregnant, 2 of my best friends are and one is having twins. Not only that but so far every one of them is having a girl! I hate that it hurts me so much when I should be so happy for them. I guess it isn't that I am not happy for them, I am just sad for me. It is hard to watch others get what they want immediately when I have wanted it for so long and can't seem to obtain it. It's like watching others live my dream while I sit on the side lines and just watch. I am benched from the game and I REALLY want to play. I simply feel like I am missing out.

3 comments:

Tash said...

Paige, I saw your comment over at GITW and I just wanted to say that I'm thinking of you and London especially today. I'm so sorry it all has to get conflated with this holiday and everything else.

Wishing you peace. I'm so sorry.

Virginia said...

I'm sorry....

B said...

Hearing you sister.

I am sad for all that his mother's day means for you. It is so unfair.

Nobody should have to know what it is like to hold you r child as they die in your arms.

Keep sharing. Can't make it OK. But we can be a witness to your love and suffering.

All my heart to you.

Barb