Breaking Point

I did it. I hit my breaking point. My heart could not possibly hurt any more than it does right at this moment. I just found out that we lost another baby. Can you lose a baby you never really had? I guess I lost the hope for that baby. We were being considered to be the adoptive family and today I found out that she chose another family. I curled up into Stenson and literally sobbed buckets of tears. All I could express was, "I can't do this! I'm so tired! I cannot bear anymore!" My heart physically hurts. Pain like this should not exist. So here I am 2 miscarriages, 1 baby death, and loss of an adoption and I am done! I can't even fathom getting out of bed at this point. It is taking everything I have just to breathe in and out. I cry to my Savior, "I have no more strength. I can do no more. Carry me the rest of the way. Take this from me." How grateful I am for the Savior so that I can turn this to him. I can give this to him and he will help me make it through to tomorrow.
I have to go to my sister's baby shower in a few days and I cannot even fathom walking down the baby isle at the store. I can't watch her get bottles, bibs, and cute little clothes, knowing that I could have gotten a baby boy the same week she would. How do I be supportive when I know I emotionally can't handle this right now? So again I pray, Please give me strength.