Rainbow Baby

October 3, 2007
I finally got my day! I am pregnant again. I will finally get my rainbow baby. The rainbow after the storm.
I am filled with so many emotions. I am dreading being pregnant again. I was just pregnant! Yet I want a baby so bad I can't even stand it. I am tired of having empty arms. So I am full of joy and anticipation, and I am also full of fear, nervousness, and I really don't know if I am ready to face hospitals again. I will also have to face doctors and go through another delivery. The pain I feel when I simply remember what the pain felt like when they took you from me is too much to bear. This will force me to face those fears and get over them. The fact that the doctors told us that there is a high possibility of this happening again is hard to ignore. So I am terrified. I am also overjoyed!
Now facing all the pregnant women around me will be so much easier, because I AM ONE OF THEM!! I am so glad to no longer fell like an outsider with all my pregnant friends. Now it won't hurt as much when they talk about pregnancy. I am so grateful for this gift. I know this will help ease the pain from losing you London. Half of the reason this has been so hard is not only because you died, but because I have wanted a baby for so long. You were going to fill that void. Now you are gone, that void has returned. I know that a baby will never replace you, but it will replace the longing I have for a baby in my arms.