Imagine if this were you

I read a book this week and it helped me put into words some of the things I have been feeling. It also helped me realize that I have been feeling some deep emotions and taking them out on other parts of my life. These are some of the things I learned. When a woman becomes pregnant she redirects her life completely. She begins to live for that child. The foods she eats suddenly become that of nutritional value, the endless nights gagging down the giant prenatal vitamins, the moments spent over the toilet feeling sick constantly remind her why she is going though this, the books read to prepare, the doctor visits, the anticipation of feeling life move inside her all bond her to the baby from the very first months. Then begins a new phase. Feeling the baby take over her body and fighting for room and comfortability, Withdrawal from many physical activities to protect her unborn child, late nights trying to sleep while baby is active and physical, exercise becomes a health reason instead of a weight reason, watching her clothing get tighter and tighter, and finally the preparation for the physical body she will care for such as buying clothing, diapers, bottles, nursing items, and preparing the nursery for her baby. In the preparation, bonding occurs. She may even feel the baby's personality from quiet moments of activity on the baby's part.

Yet when a woman bonds and prepares for that child, but returns home from the hospital with empty arms, the result can be devastating. To have that child so close and then have it abruptly taken away might well be viewed as one of the cruelest occurances in nature. While preparing for life, no one prepares to say goodbye.

So when a baby is lost all expectations immediately have to change. This can be an extremely difficult transition to make and may take time. After all, a woman has 9 months to prepare for that child....it should not be expected for her to immediately redirect her focus. She will need time to figure out her thoughts and feelings and then move forward with her newly changed future.

To those outside of the situation. Be understanding. Listen. Don't assume they don't want to talk about it. Sometimes they need to talk and do not have anyone to ask or listen. Let them feel what they need to feel and however they deal with it, let that be okay. It may be strange to you, but it isn't you. Don't treat them differently. Little things may hurt them. It is sensitive to them and that should be respected. Of all times in your life, don't abondon them. They need support, love, and care. They may need to be selfish and take days for themselves. Be sensitive. You never know when you may need them. If the roles were reversed, How would you want to be treated?