May 15, 2007

The Funeral

This was exactly what I needed. I needed to feel my loved ones wrap their arms around me and tell me they loved me. It was sad to watch the young mom's go through the line at the viewing. They seemed to handle it the hardest. By the time they got to me they were crying and couldn't stop. I was holding up great though. It was amazing to see how the spirit holds you up and makes everything okay. Everyone kept saying how strong I was. It wasn't me. It was God's love wrapped around me. I cry every moment when I am alone. When I was around others I held up okay. The funeral was beautiful and everyone who spoke and sang were inspiring. It was so difficult to cover you up knowing I wouldn't get to see you anymore. It was heartbreaking, but I did it and I am proud that I handled it the way I did.
The night before the funeral you stayed in our home. I held your little body most of the night. Stenson came and told me I should probably get to sleep and put you back in your casket. I couldn't part from you. I knew this was my last night with you where I could see you and look at you. So I put you back and broke down. So Stenson brought your little casket over and laid it on the floor by the couch where I was laying. I slept there the rest of the night, holding your tiny hand. Through this whole process that night was the hardest time for me by far.